


The Fall

by TheSoggySchuyler4



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 17:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18743590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSoggySchuyler4/pseuds/TheSoggySchuyler4
Summary: Natasha has a lot of thoughts before she goes.





	The Fall

Natasha Romanoff thinks as she falls. It would be easier, she realises, for them to move on if they didn't remember her. Had she known, or anticipated her death, she might have wiped herself from their story. Quick, easy, efficient. No time for tears. But Natasha hadn't wanted to expect her death, like she has been taught from birth. She had grown somewhat accustomed to the almost peace they had found over the last five years, and Natasha had allowed herself to dream for a moment. She had pictured herself warm and soft and content, surrounded by her whole and unvarnished family, smiling with an undiscovered ease. For the first time, a part of her had not wanted to die. But it had to be her, because Natasha would not be the reason that Clint's children had no father, and her fabricated ideals of family were atomic compared to his real one. So instead she allows herself to fall, and she thinks.

She thinks about Bucky and his beloved goats, and the one he named Sam because it was the most annoying, and she thinks about Sam too, and his snarky sense of humour that she's missed so much. She thinks about Vision and Wanda and how sweet they were, travelling the world and learning about love and life as they went. She thinks about Pietro too, because he and Wanda came hand in hand, and wonders what might have become of him had he lived. She thinks about Maria Hill and Nick Fury and Coulson, and hopes they're alright, and that they find a way to be happy. She thinks about that plucky little spider kid and hopes that he and Tony-.

As Natasha falls, she thinks about Tony. The sarcastic, irritating little brother that Natasha had always secretly desired. They'd met under false circumstances, but the bond that had formed over several years and even more battles held true and firm. They had shared drinks and battle wounds and saved each others' lives on countless occasions. Tony had reminded her how to laugh for real.

Thinking about Tony reminds her of Clint which brings tears to her eyes, because she can still hear his voice echoing in her head and see his outline at the top of the cliffs. Clint was her best friend and saviour; the one who brought her to SHIELD and led her to her family. They share so many missions and stories, and she wonders what he'll do without her there to tease about Budapest. She thinks about Laura and the kids then too, and how they had been the first people to accept her for who she was. She will miss them, and she knows that the feeling is mutual. 

Her thoughts drift to Thor and Bruce, the closest companions and some of the best friends she could have asked for. She wishes she could have found the courage to tell Bruce that she forgave him for leaving, and to apologise for the confusion and pain she brought upon him, and she regrets not hugging Thor one last time or visiting him over those long five years. She longs for one last joke, one last theory over Thor's hammer, or a cup of tea with Bruce. She wishes that she could have just a little more time.

The last thought in her mind is Steve. Steve, who loved so openly and fully. Steve who could make her laugh in an instant. Steve who warmed her heart like a summer's day and lifted her spirits so high that she could have flown. Steve, who in his kindness and honesty, had taught her to trust and to live a good life, to empathise and hope. Steve who, armed with nothing more than a friendly smile and genuine acceptance, had taught her to love. And he would never know it. God, she had told him they'd see each other again in just a few short minutes. It would break his heart to learn that she was gone. Natasha sent out a silent apology, because she had never wanted to hurt him. The tears stream down her face now and it occurs to Natasha that this is the first time she has ever properly cried, and she is sobbing.

Natasha thinks as she falls, and she hopes. She hopes that her friends succeed. She hopes that they live good, honest lives. She hopes beyond anything that they are happy. She hopes that they don't cry over her loss for too long. She hopes they learn to move on.

Not us

Steve had said, but Natasha hopes that he does, because she wouldn't be able to bear it if he doesn't.

Natasha doesn't feel the impact. She doesn't feel the moment of her death. She simply stops thinking.


End file.
